- 3 -

"September Rains"

Weather has been crazy lately. Along with my moodswings.

I don't even know what is it that makes me so moody. I have lots of energy to do stuff but my body would simply not respond to anything. I just want to be still, and to achieve that I have to put on Netflix or brain rot into TikTok. It's quite frustrating actually, because my mind is really active but my body just won't move.

But hey, don't tell me twice to start my Sims 4 game, I will spend the next nine hours building stuff and looking at my Sims doing what I should be doing instead (working on art or writing books, usually).

Meh, maybe I just need to build the habit of being more active. No, truly. The days I "fake" being a functional adult it kind of works. I just need to do that more often, but I really kind of wish I could just do it without having to play pretend, you know what I mean?

That shit about "Fake it till you make it"... Nah bruh, I just wan to make it. I want to be productive and to finish up my days and say "ah, what a great day, good night, more tomorrow" and not waking up the next day wanting to dissappear as if Thanos has just snapped again, just to avoid my obligations and responsabilities at life.

I really am grateful tho. I don't have to go every day to office or be awake at 6:30 am to go to work. I live from art and that has left me with all the freedom I always wanted to have to organize myself, prioritize my mental health, and above everything, not having to put up with an asshole of a boss. 

What can I tell you, I simply hate being told what to do all the time. I hate working my ass off to minimum wage, enlarging some CEO's wallet like a pig. Nah, I rather keep making my minimum wage but it's all to myself and only making my wallet a little less empty each time.

Ten years working for companies and restaurants and offices and I never had the real chance to even save money for myself. Three years working only on my art and I'm planning my next trip to see my family across the Atlantic Ocean. Do the math. And I earn much much less than when I had a contract.

Anyway this entry is becoming a little gloomy, sorry for that, I guess I just needed to dump some crap on strangers to get my motivation up a bit. It actually has helped, so, yay!

Anyway Byee~