- 6 -

"Ended up in the Psych Ward. Again"

I'm just tired. It's not my first time going to the psych ward on an emergency for my mental problems. The other option is... Well, you should know without me explaining.

I've been "well" for a couple of years but lately and since my cat's death I've been getting worse and worse. I don't feel creative, I don't get much income, I can't concentrate enough to work through my tasks appropiately. I don't know, my life just doesn't work as it should and I've been growing more and more tired each and every day. So I just snapped the other day, had so much anxiety that my mind wanted to break everything in my room but my body wasn't able to respond (I think that's lucky, imagine breaking absolutely all you own on a fit). I was literally paralyzed, just laying on my bed unable to move while my brain was screaming and throwing nasty thoughts over and over again.

I finally started crying and screaming and scared my roomie, who came to hug me and be with me, and that brought a bit of clarity to my mind, so I decided to take a shower (I was really stinky) and go to the hospital to get checked by a psychiatrist. I must say, I've been waiting for one to check on me for MONTHS but mental health in my country is absolutely collapsed and cuttings on the budget gets worse and worse each year. So... yeah. I had to get to the point to wanting to end it all (again) to get someone to check up on me.

I hate being on meds. Anti-depressants make me foggy and I can't really think or even move. Hours pass by really fast and really slow at the same time and I can't concentrate or hold information inside my brain. I'm usually an overthinker and I want something that helps me think less to be able to work, but all meds I've been prescribed have done just a full shut down. I can't think at all!!

I don't want to do anything. I'm not hungry. I'm not sleepy. I don't want to read, or play games, or watch movies... I don't want to draw. I only have energy to sit down or lay down. I don't know what to do.

Why am I writing and sharing this? Because I can, I guess... To tell anyone who cares reading, that I'm not really okay but that I don't like not being okay. To tell someone who feels like me that they're not alone. To feel like someone who reads this and understands it is making me company so I don't feel alone. To do something. I don't know. I know probably no one cares.

And if you happen to care. Thank you.

Anyway Bye~